.....

Maybe it's already normal to a person's life to feel like they were cheated. That feeling when someone have took over a place that was supposed to be yours. It's really frustrating that they do not know how much you've worked hard and how many things you are willing to sacrifice for that position. And yet they are giving it to someone else because they think that he/she is a lot more deserving than you. I do not want to hold grudges or rant but it's really too much for me to hold it in. I need an outlet for it. It really hurts so much. That feeling when it already feels like you already lose to someone even though the fight is not yet starting, that feeling when a lot of people around you are so into that kid and no one else is willing to help you.

I want to cry but my mind keeps knocking on my heart to not. Because when I cry, I'll show the weaker side of me and someone may take advantage out of it. People think I am humorous, they think I am happy and I do not have any problems of my own, but the thing is, I do not know how to process my emotions. Like when you feel defeated, would you show that you are weak? or would you show that you are mature and strong enough to hold it in? I do not know, i swear, my emotions right now is really out of control.